How Professional Life and Friendship Can Be Difficult Partners

Practical advice for professionals who value their personal needs.

Professionals need to stick to their boundaries. Photo by Pixabay.

When I was a young, wet-behind-the-ears curate in the 1990s, my seasoned training priest was adamant that clergy — especially unmarried ones — should under no circumstances make friends with people in the parish.

He was from a very different era to me, and with his particularly stiff English upper lip, I was unsure that he even knew what friendship actually meant. However, I faithfully took on board his training and kept clear blue water between me and any personal advances of friendship from parishioners.

As an example, it is literally only in the last few years that I have given access to my personal Facebook page to any of my parishioners. Even now, when I make a comment on my personal page, I am amazed that it is often regarded as a statement on behalf of my church.

In some ways, there was wisdom in my training incumbent’s teaching. Over the years, I have certainly been spared unwanted advances — particularly of a sexual or intimate nature — from those who wanted to be close to what I am rather than who I am.

Professionally, it’s a really difficult line to draw. I’m perfectly capable of restraining my emotional self in order…